SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines.

‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

‘What are my choices?’ John asked.

‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’

The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the cop said.

The kid replied, ‘Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.

A sign comes up that reads, ‘ Low Bridge Ahead.’

Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’

The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.’

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.

‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,

Or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,

‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’

Paddy and Murphy were talking one afternoon when Paddy tells Murphy,

“Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii .. I went to Hawaii and Molly got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas and Molly got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darn me, if Molly didn’t get pregnant again.”

Murphy asks Paddy, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

Paddy says, “This year I’m taking Molly with me.”